what came first, the chicken or the dickhead?

279,213 notes

saucylosse:

lovelorn-xo:

castielsteenwolf:

so my family plays this game where if someone is holding something and you yell “drop the bass” they have to drop what they’re holding so my mom was holding a carton of eggs so i yelled it and she looked me dead in the eye, dropped then eggs on the floor and whispered “you’ve gone too far

adopt me

And she did it! That’s a cool mom.

(via princessmonocle)

355,783 notes

1boo:

greencrook:

The first time someone tried to steal my bag in the subway I panicked and I broke his arm with an umbrella and since then none of my friends will let me forget about this.
If you think this was a badass moment you need to remember I’m 5 ft and my bag was a Lucky Star bag and I was crying while hitting someone much bigger than me repeatedly with a frog-shaped umbrella. 

you are my hero

(via princessmonocle)